By
Anna Ilona Mussmann
It’s one thing to look at pictures of the Grand Canyon, and another to stand on the edge of the real thing. It’s one thing to hold someone else’s baby, and another to look into the face of your own.
I wasn’t overwhelmed, but I was consumed. Everything about the baby seemed big. Of course I knew that babies grow quickly and go through stages. I had seen the photos of the Grand Canyon. Yet each stage in my own infant’s life felt huge--it was now, not just something that would come and go. He wouldn’t sleep in his own bed; and that was now, everything, always, the biggest thing in the room. He was crying; and that was now, everything, always, the biggest thing in the car. New parents don’t have perspective. How could I? I was living in an enormous, new now. I am grateful to those who were kind when I twitched and fretted.
It’s one thing to look at pictures of the Grand Canyon, and another to stand on the edge of the real thing. It’s one thing to hold someone else’s baby, and another to look into the face of your own.
Having
a baby is so big--so weird, so crazy, so overwhelming--that it takes a few
years to get used to it. Perhaps it would be different if we lived in a place
where every girl walks around with a younger sibling or a baby cousin on her
hip, but even an upbringing as the eldest of five didn’t really take the edge
off my own new baby experience.
On
the day we brought our newborn son home, though, I would not have said that I
felt overwhelmed. I was just exhausted from a long labor. I was busy taking
photos. Perhaps there would have been more room for me to think about the
bigness of what had just happened if everyone who saw my pregnant belly over
the last few months hadn’t already said things like, “Your life will never be
the same again!” Or perhaps, like an accident victim who doesn’t feel pain
immediately after losing an arm, I was in shock.
I wasn’t overwhelmed, but I was consumed. Everything about the baby seemed big. Of course I knew that babies grow quickly and go through stages. I had seen the photos of the Grand Canyon. Yet each stage in my own infant’s life felt huge--it was now, not just something that would come and go. He wouldn’t sleep in his own bed; and that was now, everything, always, the biggest thing in the room. He was crying; and that was now, everything, always, the biggest thing in the car. New parents don’t have perspective. How could I? I was living in an enormous, new now. I am grateful to those who were kind when I twitched and fretted.
The
delightful things were big too. I look back at the photographs I took of my son
holding a toy, and remember how amazed and impressed I was in that moment--my
son was growing up! He could grasp a stuffed fox in his little fists! He was
amazing! The moment must be documented and sent to all of his relatives! I am
grateful to those who were kind to me when I seemed to think my child a marvel
of life. After all, he was. And is.
Martin
Luther said,
“Why do you not daily learn the article of divine creation by looking at your
children and offspring, who stand before you? They are of far greater worth
than all the fruits of the trees. Here you may behold the providence of
God, who created them out of nothing. In a half year He gave them body and life
and all their members and also intends to support them.”
The
words are a tremendous reminder of something we, as new parents busily
researching the best way to do X or ward off Y, can easily forget. The bigness
of parenting shouldn’t blind us to the magnificence of babies and therefore of
God.
G.K.
Chesterton argues,
“[T]he humorous look of children is perhaps the most endearing of all the bonds
that hold the Cosmos together. Their top-heavy dignity is more touching than
any humility; their solemnity gives us more hope for all things than a thousand
carnivals of optimism; their large and lustrous eyes seem to hold all the stars
in their astonishment; their fascinating absence of nose seems to give to us
the most perfect hint of the humour that awaits us in the kingdom of heaven.”
Our
children show us how incredible the human creatures that God has created are.
How funny, how marvelous, how sinful, how full of potential, how valuable.
They
are worth everything because God created them, redeemed them, and loves them.
We get a glimpse of the breathtaking nature of human life when we look at our
own children. We live in a time in which mainstream culture struggles to answer
the question, “What makes a life valuable?” Does a person have a right to live
if they are unwanted? Insane? Old? In chronic pain? Terminally ill? Afflicted
with Zika? Should a woman feel valuable if she is fat and unattractive? Is a
man worth as much if he is a jerk or a racist?
Our
babies say, “Yes.”
Human
life is worth the death of God Himself. It is far bigger, and far grander, than
even the most famous of landmarks. The Grand Canyon can remind us of the
magnificence of God’s handiwork, but it has nothing on babies.
My children have changed me in many ways. I am more confident, more emotional,
better at playing with children, worse at remembering things, less likely to
wear earrings. As I continue to contemplate their marvelous lives, I am
learning so much more. I am getting a glimpse of what it means to be human.
***
After graduating from Concordia Wisconsin, Anna taught in Lutheran schools for several years and became so enthusiastic about Classical Education that she will talk about it to whomever will listen. She is a big fan of Jane Austen, dark chocolate, and the Oxford comma. Anna and her husband live in Pennsylvania with their two small children. Anna's work can also be found in The Federalist.
So beautiful. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jody! I appreciate the kind words.
DeleteI'm reading this again, while nursing my little one, and encouraged by the reminder of our great God, His gracious work, and His love. I'm not a brand-new mother, yet lack perspective and forget too often such things. How sweet and beautiful it is to behold His goodness everyday, both when it is easy and fun and when it's hard and an endurance race, as we minister to our children, husbands, and world around us!
ReplyDelete